When I Needed Help For An Alcoholic Wife

What the heck happened to the two people who were madly in love with each other? I needed answers and sought out help from the Al-anon program.
They told me that they couldn’t tell me how to make my alcoholic wife stop drinking. They did, however, encourage me to keep coming back.

In desperation… I took their advice and for the past ten years have attended thousands of al-anon and AA meetings. I continued to participate because the programs really helped me deal with my alcoholic wife.

I soon learned, after that first meeting that there were a few specific ways that I could help my spouse get closer to quitting the substance abuse.

I learned that it’s important to stop rescuing her all of the time. I was so messed up that I would call her place of employment and lie for her. I would give her money when she ran out. I did things like bailed her out of jail and even arrange for an attorney to represent her. Oh, and let’s not forget that I also paid the retainer fee for her legal counsel.

Can you believe it? She actually hit her bottom and decided to quit drinking about two years after I made the decision to quit enabling her.

Before getting educated about how to handle the situation, I thought she should just be able to stop drinking alcohol.

There are many things that are difficult to do in order to begin changes of this magnitude. I did learn that the longer I attended support group meetings-the easier changes were to implement. I guess this was because I started seeing that the recovery program ideas were really starting to work. So, I had faith in what I was learning would work.

Prior to getting involved with people who understood what I was living with, I would talk to friends and relatives about my wife’s alcoholic behaviors. Those conversations never ended with any great revelations that would help me deal with my wife’s alcoholism. Usually, I was left even more frustrated than before I had confided in them.

It wasn’t their fault. I just needed help from people who could teach me how to let go of alcoholics.

When I started getting the coping skills I needed from people who knew how to cope with an alcoholic wife, I started experiencing more peace and calm on a daily basis.

I learned early on that I had no control over my wife’s choices to drink and drug. I also was taught the importance of letting go of her. This meant that I had to learn how to stop being a control FREAK. I want you to know that took a lot of work on my part.

For many years, I had tried to control my wife’s alcoholism. This was not helping at all. In fact, we would fight and argue about her addiction problems constantly. When I finally understood that no matter how hard I tried to control her that I cloudn’t, then I realized the freedom of letting go of her.

This helped our relationship in many ways. One of which was we quit arguing as often. If there was nothing to argue about, then this helped me and my wife to get along much better. Prior to letting go, I was always on her case about drinking and drugging.

Today, my wife is very grateful that I found the help we needed. I say “we” because even though she never attended any support group meetings with me, my changed attitude and behaviors really helped my wife hit her bottom. Had I continued to rescue her, there’s no telling where we would be today.

I used to live with many fears realated to my wifes addictive behaviors. Today, all I worry about is that my recovering alcoholic could start drinking again.